Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
