Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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