But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
