Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
