Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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