I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
