Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You work out of a Hotel?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
