I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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