We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
