When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
