took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
