well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
