Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
