thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
