Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
