I want to have your abortion
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
