So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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