so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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