it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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