It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
