I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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