I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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