I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
