how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
