Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
