I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
