I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
