and she was petting her beer can
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
