Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Let's get the cat blown out
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
