Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
