I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
