My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
