I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
