Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I have fence marks all over my body
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
