He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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