I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
