is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize