is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
