EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
