you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm getting married
To pizza
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
