I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
