covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
