he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
