also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
