i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize