Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
