Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
