Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
