I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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