I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
