I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
