He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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