So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
