just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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