you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
