yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
