So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
