think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
