i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
