You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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