nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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