Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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