Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
