I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
