i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
