im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
