I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
