Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
