we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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