Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
