Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
